Sam Adams Guide Chapter 4 - GRANPA156, Pumpiikin, Squeakyfriend (Author:Oculus)

Mr. Adams’ Guide to Practical Fluffs - Part 4

by Oculus

Featuring art by GRANPA156, Pumpiikin , Waggytail and Squeakyfriend

continued from Part 3

You love fluffies!

And after being on a trip between three different countries to meet three different fluffy breeds, you’re eager to meet more. “Right, so, whats the next breed you’re going to show me?” you ask Sam in anticipation

“I’m afraid I have to leave you here.”

You are in shock at Sam’s words, as you exclaim “Leave me here? In the middle of goddamn Germany?!!”

Sam holds his hand up, indicating you to keep quiet. He then reaches into his suit, and pulls out a few documents, tickets, and a wad of money

“I… what is this?”

“I got you a reservation for a ten day stay at the Ritz Carlton in Berlin.”

Your eyes are wide open, as you blurt out, “Stay?!! But I got work tomorrow! I can’t just take-”

Sam passes you another document. It has your boss’s signature on it, as well as notification that you’re taking a leave of absence for at least two weeks.

“Wha-?”

“He was a bit cheap. And you’ve done a lot for me in the past, so, consider this as thanks.”

You’re still fairly dumbfounded by this generosity. You continue to flip through the documents, then found two tickets to Tokyo.

“Tokyo? Whats going on?”

“Ah yes. I can’t get your passport here, but I can get you a trip to Japan. Hasbio is having a conference there related to their latest work in genetic engineering. And, more importantly, ABAP Japan has a Door there.”

A bit befuddled by this whole thing, you ask Sam a rather simple question. “Don’t you have a teleporter here?”

“Alas,” moans Sam, "we don’t. The Gowdies here don’t generate enough energy or break the laws of physics ( >>15062 ) to pull off such a stunt, and it takes a certain type of fluffy to be able to fire up a Door. We do have a Door in Japan though, so you’re just going to have wait until I settle business in Germany, before we can go to Japan. And from there, I can take you home.

In the meantime, enjoy yourself in Berlin. Du bist jetzt ein Berliner!"

As Sam walks off, you’re wondering what you’re going to do in Berlin for the next ten days.

~

~Granpa156~

~Featuring A Tribute to Seabreeze~

Ten days passed by rather fast. You had a great time in Berlin. And soon enough, you found yourself on a private jet chartered by Sam. The plane is currently making a nonstop journey to Tokyo. It was a long flight, so you decided to have a bit of a snooze. the thing was, you had the weirdest fucking dream

You dream of a world where the reverse happened. Where the fluffies were the intelligent race, and the humans were the “dumb ones”. A world where fluffies, or Equus Sapiens, had experimented with the rather primal Homo Caballus to create the genetically-engineered “human race”. In this world, humans over-populated, and raided fluffy homes, while the fluffies, being able to use magic, hand to fend off human raiders. (>>25348 >>25370 >>25398 )

It was really weird. so weird, it was like you had to wake up from the dream

“Didn’t sleep well?”

Sam greets you. He’s in his bathrobe, holding a cup of coffee and seems like he just got out of the shower. No, that’s wrong. He left the door of his quarters open, and you can see the flight attendant on the bed, naked, and fast asleep. Sam blushes, then closes the door quickly.

“Erm, you caught me doing worse.”

As he sits downs on the chair opposite yours, you catch a glimpse of his well-endowed junk. Grabbing your eyes, you softly say “I did not need to see that.”

“Sorry about that.” An embarrassed Sam apologizes, as he rearranges his robe to be more accommodating.

“Yeah whatever, I just had the weirdest fucking dream.”

As you narrate your dream to Sam, he starts wondering, “Maybe it’s a glimpse into a parallel universe.”

“Oh knock it off Sam, its just a dream.”

“I’m serious mate. One of the problems with using the door is that, after a while, you start experiencing parallel realities. Sometimes they may be physical, sometimes its mental. I’ve encountered a few alternate realities myself, sometimes in dreams.”

“Yeah well, I seriously find it hard to believe that a fluffy pony civilization can exist, that could create humans the way our reality is the opposite of that.”

Sam takes a sheet of paper from a memo pad. He then starts drawing some random stuff, as he imagines the scenario. “Actually that got me thinking. How would a fluffy society work, and how would ferals come about? In our world there are dogs that wear tiny sweaters, but the dogs don’t have manufacturing capabilities either. I imagine that the fluffy pony civilization has built an industry around providing accessories for their human pets. Further, I imagine that the humans would reject naked humans or humans clad in caveman skins from their group the same way that we would. So they are all wearing clothes made by the fluffy ponies, though feral life has made them shabby….”

“You’re thinking WAY too much about this!”

~

You are currently attending the Hasbio Japan conference with Mr Adams. As Mr Adams is a member of ABAP, he maintains some relations with Hasbio, and can attend their press conferences. However, despite this relationship, many of the staff in Hasbio, particularly the scientists, are not fond of Mr Adams. He has had their run-ins with them before, on questionable ethics.

One of the more interesting things covered in the conference is the successful cloning of the Woolly Mammoth. However, due to the size of the creature, as well as its large dietary requirements and particular habitat preferences, mammoths are currently restricted to a Hasbio enclosure in Siberia. It is not known if or when a woolly mammoth will be brought to a zoo, if at all. Hasbio, however, has ruled out a potential Jurassic Park situation. A UN agreement a few years back has maintained a ban on any attempt to clone an animal that existed before the Cenozic Era. As it is, they are now working on banning recreations of animals like the Smilodon and the Basilasaurus. Even the Mammoth was frowned upon due to its sheer size and was eventually allowed due to its herbivorous nature. Hasbio is currently turning its attention towards bringing back the High Arctic camel. ( >>25563 )

The conference continues, and a representative from Hasbio starts talking about the commonly perceived negative perceptions of fluffies. As she keeps going into detail about their common selfish attitudes, their rejection of alicorns, and their limited intelligence, the Hasbrio representative then takes the moment to announce work on the “Hasbio Biological Companion version 2.0” ( >>23554 )

r/fluffycommunity - Sam Adams Guide Chapter 4 - Episode 1 - GRANPA156 and Pumpiikin

“Hasbio Biological Companion version 2.0” (Artist:GRANPA156)

Following a drumroll, and the unveiling of a curtain, in steps a literal biological recreation of Princess Celestia. You recognize it, because you had watched reruns of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic as a child. From Sam, you also know that Hasbio started work on fluffies as a result of trying to meet the growing demand among the populace for their own pony pet. Fluffies, however, were considered a rushed product

This biotoy, being show accurate, seems more in line with what Hasbio intended from the start.

“Huwwo fwens! Huwwo daddehs, mummahs and kind mistahs! Cewestia fwuff am good fwuff!”

The Hasbio representative is speechless, and her face has turned completely red. She politely asks for her spot to end while she rushes the “Celestia” off-stage. Despite the heavy soundproof curtains, you can vaguely hear her anger through the veil. “What do you MEAN you didn’t breed out the fluffspeak?!! You embarrassed me in front of all our stockholders, you FUCKS!” In addition, the “Celestia” could be heard crying “Owie! Mummah am meanie! Huu huu…”

“Welp, that was a disaster,” quipped Sam.

As the conference ends and the audience clear, you think about the fluffies depicted in the presentation. They didn’t seem like any you had seen before sold in a Fluffmart. They had a more equine shape to them, and more equine-like snouts, unlike other, more popular fluffy breeds.

~

“Oh, those are GRANPAs.”

“GRANPAs?”

“To be more precise, the GRANPA-156. Fairly rare breed. The scientist you saw speaking was actually one of the scientists involved in their creation.”

r/fluffycommunity - Sam Adams Guide Chapter 4 - Episode 1 - GRANPA156 and Pumpiikin

Tomoko and her fluffy (Artist:GRANPA156)

As the two of you keep walking, you pass by a schoolgirl holding a brown GRANPA fluffy. Her eyes are ladened with bags, her hair a complete mess, and she has seen the best of the days. However, she seems happy, as she cuddles the brown fluffy in her arms. The fluffy seems to have been doing well under her. ( >>26708 )

“Why didn’t they make more of them?”

“It is hard to say. One thing about fluffies released by Hasbio directly, is that there’s also a limit to how much you can breed or crossbreed them. It is something that I myself, as well as the rest of ABAP, are still trying to understand. It could be a case of different genes resulting in a different makeup, thus making certain ‘breeds’ the equivalent of species or sub-species, like the difference between a fox and a dog. but none of this is certain.”

“I feel like I have seen fluffies like GRANPAs before.”

“There is definitely a type, but I can’t put my figure on what the type is like. I feel like it is similar to the Babbeh-Teef, Fluffus and Red breeds. And definitely not the same as Pumpiikins. But I want to do some comparison and research before I confirm the existence of a type.”

~

The trip to the ABAP Japan building was not long, and currently, you’re in the same type of room as the one you had been in previously. Sam and the scientists converses with the Japanese ABAP staff fluently

“スパゲティの機械を揃えなさい!”“了解!”

As the devices are prepped, you can hear the boxes, clearly with some kind of fluffy in them, going “Sketti! Sketti! Sketti!”

You want to tell Sam that the fluffies are too excited, but, you think Sam knows already.

“馬鹿! You put in too much power!”

He says this, breaking out of the Japanese. It is possible that he is getting exasperated. As you walk towards the door, and the fluffies keep yelling"Sketti! Sketti! Sketti" intensely, you have no idea what will happen next.

Upon pressing down the door handle, you feel a sudden jolt, like as if something from the other side of the door pulls you in. Sam calls for your name, but it is a bit too late. The door closes before he can get to you.

~

Your head hurts. Whatever force had pulled you through the door, it has landed your face right smack into a toilet bowl. Your face is dangerously hovering above the water. From the smell, you can tell that someone clearly didn’t flush.

“Jesus christ.”

You now have a vague idea of what Sam was warning you about. As you try to regain your bearing, you hear a cry from outside your cubicle.

“Daddeh! Pweeze no weave fwuffy and babbeh!”

“Godammit Seabreeze, I need to go to the toilet!”

As he says this, you feel a little twinge in your stomach. Oh god, you got to make the big poopies! As you sit upon the toilet seat, you could overhear a phone conversation from the cubicle beside you. The voice belongs to the same man who was talking to his rather needy fluffy earlier.

"Yeah, who is this? Oh hey dad.

Yeah, yeah I’m doing fine. Just left the company a week ago, but I am going for an interview tomorrow. Came to ABAP today to ensure Seabreeze gets her routine check-up and shots."

That one line relieves you. Looks like Sam’s stupid door DID work. Wish the fluffies had picked a better spot though.

“Yeah, Seabreeze is doing fine. Same for her foal, Aurora. It is amazing how fast foals can grow up. Aurora is a big adult now. I think it is a miracle that Seabreeze was able to raise her, what with her being an alicorn.”

That line intrigues you. Even though you eavesdropping on what is a fairly private conversation, you can’t help but want to listen more.

"Yeah, Aurora was Seabreeze’s only child. I should tell you the story of what happened over the past year.

Seabreeze really wanted a child of her own, which tends to happen when fluffy mares watch too much FluffTV. So she ran off one day, and got knocked up by a random feral. I was rather angry with her, but at the same time, was intrigued at the idea of raising a foal. After all, we got Seabreeze as an adult.

However, there was a little accident while Seabreeze was pregnant."

You could hear him hesitating. It seems to be that whatever happened to him and his fluffy must have been difficult.

r/fluffycommunity - Sam Adams Guide Chapter 4 - Episode 1 - GRANPA156 and Pumpiikin

Seabreeze and Aurora (Artist:GRANPA156)

“Suffice to say, Seabreeze had Aurora. Seabreeze initially rejected Aurora. After all, she was an alicorn.”

You hear him chuckle, as he recollects, "I remember the first time she breastfed her filly. She genuinely thought that Aurora was trying eat her! She kept calling me in the middle of the night, and I had to remind her that, no, Foam was not a monster, and Foam was her babbeh.

It was difficult to say the least."

There is a change of tone in his voice, as it becomes a bit more tender.

“But, Aurora has been a good girl. I managed to toilet train her well, and she’s not overly dependent or wanting for treats. I feel tempted to say she’s better then her mother.”

You definitely can’t hear what the response is on the other end of the phone, but whatever it is, it sounded like the equivalent of taking Seabreeze off his hand, whether by giving it back to his father, or something similar.

"Oh no.

I know Seabreeze has been a pain in my ass. She’s a troublemaker, and she’s needy. But I have to admit, she’s a good mother. Even though it took a lot of training, she came to accept Aurora. The two are kind of inseparable. And besides, Aurora looks up to her mom, even though she behaves better than her. I guess I just have fondness for the little rascal that Seabreeze is.

Anyway, I better get going. you called me in the middle of a bathroom break, and I think I left Seabreeze and Aurora alone for too long."

As you finish your business, you walk out of the toilet. You see a man stroking the cyan mane of his GRANPA fluffy, along with her alicorn progeny

“See that didn’t take long did it?”

“Yus daddeh. And babbeh played upsies with fwuffy.”

“Oh did he? Good girl, Aurora.”

“Fanks, daddeh!”

“You two have been good girls. Lets go get some spaghetti!”

“SKETTIS!”

As the man and his two fluffs walk off, you feel a slight happiness as you look at them.

~Pumpiikin~

As you watch Seabreeze and her family walk off, you hear a familiar voice make an unrelated observation in a rather concerned tone, “A one hour difference. Rather anomalous.”

It is Mr. Adams.

“Glad to see you made it back safely.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t land on top of me in the toilet. Then again, maybe it is a good thing that didn’t happen.”

“Sorry I took so long. I forgot to bring a fluffy I saw back in Japan.”

He’s carrying a white fluffy in his arms. The fluffy has green mane and tail, with its mane arrange in long pigtails like as though it was hair. Its front and hind legs have been dyed in a shade of black, with the number “01” spray-painted on each front leg. The overall design of the fluffy reminds you of a icon in Japanese culture. ( >>46600 )

46600 - artist_pumpiikin biofun_products cute hasbio_ripoff kawaii_as_fuck miku_fluff safe sales_pitch vocaloid weeaboo_bullshit

Hatsune Miku Vocaloid Fluffy (Artist: Pumpiikin)

“That fluffy looks like Hatsune Miku!”

Sam smiles, as he continues, “Yes. This is a vocaloid fluffy, and yes, its of the Hatsune Miku model. What’s interesting about it is that it can be programmed to sing any song rendered in vocaloid. There are limitations though.”

He whispers something into the fluffy’s ear, then places her down on the foor. The fluffy then sing’s a rendition of “World is Mine”

"世界でいちばんおひめさま そういう扱い 心得てよね "

It’s a pitch-perfect recreation of Miku’s voice. Well almost. You can still hear the unmistakeable presence of the fluffy lisp. But for the most part, the voice matches Miku’s. As you stare flabbergasted at the fluffy, Mr Adams makes a verbal note of things, “I should get a friend of mine to do a toy review of this fluffy.”

At the same time, as you notice the large amount of chest fluff, like a Yehdoo, but a lack of puffed cheeks, as well as short legs, you are curious as to what breed of fluffy this was

“Oh this? This is a Pumpiikin. Its a fluffy Hasbio is still producing currently. Speaking of which, I’ll tell you more about Pumpiikins, but next time we meet.” (>48433 )

“Next time?”

“Next time I’ll have to take you to a farm to see more Pumpiikins. But not today. I’m sure you’re exhausted.”

~

It is about two days later. You had planned to see Mr Adams yesterday but, as Sam predicted, you slept for more than 12 hours upon reaching home. Once again, you can tell why Sam is a bit cautious about relying on Fluffy-induced teleportation.

You are currently in the back of a car with Mr Adams. Usually he would take a limousine, or a private car, but today he is driving his own car and is dressed rather casually

“We’re going to a Sugar Crest Farms. They’re located South.” ( >>46705 )

46705-~1

Cutie Pies Advertisment (Artist: Pumpiikin)

The name seems familiar at first. And then it dawns on you. The fresh aroma of baked pastry sweetened with honey and butter. And within it was delectable meat. You have the fortune of eating one, once. But that fortune turned to misfortune when you came to realize what was inside them

“They run a fluffy meat business! They kill fluffies!”

“They’re farmers.”

“Still!”

“I get what you mean. But it is still legal to eat fluffies in this country. ABAP has been trying to get the practice prohibited, the way feline and canine meat is prohibited, but Hasbio has been actively pushing for fluffy meat as an alternative to ‘natural’ meats, as they call it.”

“I just don’t get why you want to go to a fluffy meat farm, of all places!”

“Well, my friend, it is a farm that is focused primarily on Pumpiikin fluffies. Specifically, the fluffalo.”

You then remember that Sam wanted to show you Pumpiikins. But it still begs the question.

“Why not just show me Pumpiikins at the ABAP mart?”

"I could do that - but there is one type of Pumpiikin fluffy that we don’t have. Their fluffalo. And there’s a greater variety of Pumpiikins at their farm then we have down here.

Also, and you’re not going to like this, but, they’re our main supplier, and breeder, for Pumpiikin fluffies. Hasbio still produces Pumpiikins, but most of them are sent to this particular farm. I’ve been wondering what relationship there is between Hasbio and Sugar Crest farms, if any."

( >>46593 )

Sam and you have reached the town where Sugar Crest farms, and with it, the Sugar Crest café, is located. He has parked his car at a Multistorey car park, and the two of you are currently walking towards the farm. You reach a junction, and see a blonde walking her fluffy. It is an orange pumpiikin with a red mane and a permanently sourpuss face.

“Aww, look Pussy Cat! I’ve don’t think I’ve seen feral fluffies on this side of town! Hope he doesn’t get run over.”

On the other side of the road, you see a rather enthusiastic white Pumpiikin, waving enthusiastically to the orange fluff, much to the latter’s chagrin.

“Fwuffy name Wiwwiam! Wait wight thewe, Wiwwiam come gib yu bestest huggies, nyu fwend!”

William proceeds to cross the road. VROOM! Within mere seconds, a speeding ferrarri flattens William, turning the hapless fluffy into roadkill.

“Holy SHIT!” Both Sam and you have the same reaction. As you stare at the sad corpse of the helpess fluffy, you then hear a rather chilling sound.

“Wiww yewwo fwuffy teww fwuffy mummah to come hewp Wiwwiam cwoss woad!?”

A literal copy of William is standing not too far from the corpse of the previous William. It boggles your mind. Is it a clone? Sam, however, has a more serious look on his face.

“Another temporal anomaly. Its not looking good.”

~

46620 - artist_pumpiikin buffalo cowfluff cowfluffy fluffalo male oc original_character safe soon_to_come_story sub-species

Pumpiikin Fluffalo (Artist:Pumpiikin)

You reach the farm, and see a herd of fluffalo at play. They are about twice the size of the average fluffy, and have two horns. They have more bovine characteristics, save for the abnormal amount of fluff associated with fluffy ponies.

“So, these are the fluffalo you’re about?”

"Yes! There were two versions of the Fluffalo, the first being the Marcusmaximus breed that was released back in the day. Those were rare and discontinued. ( >>1192 )

Then, Hasbio rereleased the Fluffalo, but this time, under the Pumpiikin breed and brand name." ( >>46620 )

“So these are technically related to the Pumpiikin fluffy?”

"You could say that.

I’ve been quite curious about fluffalos. There are many actual subspecies of fluffies and fluffylike animals released by Hasbio, but, many of them don’t last or become rare. So animals like puffy griffins, which once used to be more reoccurring, now hardly appear.

It is why we have not seen a Marcusmaximus fluffalo in a good while. Currently, most fluffalos are Pumpiikins, and even those, most are currently herded and raised in this farm here."

“The fluffalo here must be expensive!”

“At the current moment, no. It is marketed as Grade A beef with ‘none of the guilt’, but, because Hasbio still generates new fluffaloes, and whoever is behind the Pumpiikin project is still around, the price of fluffalo meat will remain to be cheap.”

Sam’s voice becomes a bit grim, as a thought crosses his mind

“I’ve been considering that some of the beef we’re consuming in this day and age may very well be fluffalo meat.” As he says this, you ponder to yourself. You have no problems with eating beef, but, would you eat meat derived from a fluffalo? Considering that they are literally talking cattle?

~

Sam has gone to meet the owners of the Sugar Crest farms. While waiting for Sam to get back to you, you are busy watching the fluffalo at the farm. Some are intermingling with the fluffies, but a farmhand is present, making sure the fluffalo do not get too rowdy. In the distance, you can see one fluffalo drinking milk from a pregnant fluffy mare. A farmhand is desperately trying to separate them. ( >>46987 )

As you keep watching, a farmhand notices you, leaning on the fence.

“So I take it you’re with Sam.”

You take a good look at him. He is wearing a checkered cotton shirt, jeans, and is wearing a straw hat.

“I am,” you reply.

“Sam mentions you’re one of them fluffyhugger types like him. Nothing wrong with that. We love fluffies too.”

You resent that statement. What would a farmer, who raises animals meant to be slaughtered, know about loving animals? As you think that, you suddenly realize that he knows what you’re thinking.

“It used to be a lot worse. Back in the day, when things weren’t really regulated, fluffies would be processed and mutilated while they were still conscious in some factories. Factory-bred food fluffies would be still conscious of the torture they were getting. I’ve seen the footage of unwanted male foals churned through a macerator. Watching young male foals die to that process is difficult, seeing young talking fluffy babbehs go through that process is excruciating.”

“If its excruciating, why are you fine with all of this then?”

The farmhand signs, as he eyes the care nearby

“You know, back in the day, there used to be more instances of people catching random ferals on the streets to eat them. It sounds weird to you, but it happened. There’s something about fluffy meat that seems to attract both the abuser, and the curious connoisseur. Like, I’ll never eat dolphin meat, but the Japanese have an entire culture devoted to the consumption of dolphin and whale meat. You may not understand it, but, one thing I’ve noticed is that, when fluffy meat is more readily available, less people are inclined to abuse and harm them.”

“Its still not right,” you say.

“Perhaps. But here, we at least give the fluffies and the fluffalo the good life. We give them toys, entertainment, and companionship. And we allow them to roam. They’re not very intelligent, so we’re able to tell them, when they reach a certain age, that they’re going to heaven. Then we kill them quickly and painlessly. We’ve done it before the pigs and cattle, and with fluffies, its no different.”

“But it just feels weird.”

He gives you a good look in the eye. He lightly interrogates you with one line, “Do you eat meat?”

You can’t lie to him, as you admit, “Yes I do. But fluffies-”

“Can talk, right? They can also play. And reason. Trust me, we get it. You may not realize this, but cattle also have emotions. So do fowl. And horses, the very things fluffies are derived from, have a surprising amount of intelligence. If you’re a vegan, I can understand and respect that decision. But if you’re a meat eater, I’m strongly of the opinion that consuming fluffy meat is not that different from eating chicken or beef.”

You want to argue with the man. But he seems genuine about the lifestyle he’s leading, and he seems convinced of the opinion that consuming fluffy meat is not unethical. You don’t really want to get into too heated a debate. And as you keep watching the fluffalo, you at least take the solace that, as the farmhands points out, it could be a lot worse. At least the fluffalo here are happy.

~

Sam calls for you. He has finished talking with the owners of the Sugar Crest farm, and now has three fluffies in tow.

The first fluffy is a normal blue Pumpiikin unicorn with a dark blue mane. “I’m gonna call this one Photoshop.” ( >>47376)

The other two fluffies are two fairly big fluffalo. One is a larger brown fluffalo, with two horns, and seems fairly reserved. You can sense a sort of aggression hidden within him though. The other fluffalo, has the colours of a Holstaur. He seems a bit genial, almost feminine. However, with the presence of a horn, and a lack of udders, you can guess that he is also a male fluffalo. However, unlike the other, he’s a steer. Before John could talk, the steer starts to hug Sam.

“Fwuffaow wuv nyu daddeh!”

Sam bends down to give the fluffalo steer a good hug, as he rubs its belly. “They were going to have this one ‘processed’ today when I intervened. He seemed a bit timid, and I reasoned with them that he wasn’t ready for the process today. I’ve been wanting a Pumpiikin fluffalo for a while, particular of John’s type here, so I’m happy I got him.”

“Okay, but why two fluffalo?”

As you ask this, the brown fluffalo goes up to the steer and gives him a good hug.

“Buww wuv bwudda. Buww wiww prwotecc bwudda from meanie munstahs.”

“They’re both brothers from the same mother. And yes, the steer’s name is John. I decided to call his brother here, “Bull.” Bull has been rather protective of John and was not keen to see his brother go. Its why I decided to get them both. For a fluffalo, Jon seems rather alert, and I’ve been thinking of having him as a sort of security animal. Like a guard dog.”

“That’s not the real reason, is it Sam?”

r/fluffycommunity - Sam Adams Guide Chapter 4 - Episode 2 - Pumpiikin and Squeakyfriend

Fluffalo and harem (Artist:Pumpiikin)

“Well yeah, we’re also looking into the reproductive capabilities of Fluffaloes. Apparently they can interbreed with normal Pumpiikin fluffies.” (>>48710 )

As he says this, rather grotesque images of a large fluffalo dominating a hapless female fluffy starts to creep in your mind and cringe you out. ( >>46804 )

“Not in that way. But we are definitely going to be collecting his semen-”

“Sam, shut up. Just, shut up.”

~

“So are we going to get another fluffy today?” you asked Sam, as the car speeds off back to your hometown.

"Not today. There’s some research I need to do.

I got a tipoff from Maurice about a breed that I had heard about, but not really researched, called the Squeakyfriend. Maurice knew a Squeakyfriend not too long ago at a Daycare, and wants me to meet him. Since I sold off my McGonagall, I suppose I could have this Squeakyfriend replace it. But I want to find out more about their kind first. We’ll meet up, next week."

~

~Squeakyfriend~

~Featuring a Tribute to The Unicorn who flew~

The name Squeakyfriend sounds familiar to you. You feel like you had come across it, from an age or so ago. A few days after your last meeting with Sam, you went back to your parents house for a visit, as well as help your dad with a computer problem with his. While there, you kept thinking about the name “Squeakyfriend”, and pondered on why it seemed to familiar to you.

“Mom, do you still have my storybooks?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Just asking. Been wanting to read them again.”

“Well, yes, but they’re in the attic.”

After settling your father’s wi-fi problem, you decide to go up the attic. Climbing up, you start to sneeze from the various particles in the air. Clearly, no one has been up here in a good while. You see various boxes all around the place, containing things the family had kept, then put aside. You recognize one as a box filled with your exam papers and homework, from a time when you couldn’t bring yourself to aprt with your memories of school.

And then, underneath a burlap, you see an old cardboard box. It is missing the flaps that allows it to be closed properly, hence the need for a burlap. Upon removing the burlap, you see a various collection of children’s storybooks. And then, that’s where you see it.

30473 - artist_squeakyfriend balloon bedtime_story cover crayon cute cutebox doodle flying safe the_unicorn_who_flew unicorn

The Unicorn who flew (Artist:Squeakyfriend)

“The Unicorn who flew. A fluffy bedtime story. By squeakyfriend.” (>>30473 )

And then you remember! This was back when Hasbio first released the fluffies, and with it, came the various storybooks. Your mom bought you this one, and you used to read it. You read about the little unicorn, Pointy, who wanted to fly, and ended up on the balloon. Then traveled over a great distance, until he found shelter at a church. There was another book to this. You know there is one. One where Pointy had another adventure but, after many trials and tribulations, found his way back to his mother. But right now, you can’t find it. ( >>33699 )

The author’s name here is Squeakyfriend. Could this be related to the Squeakyfriend fluffies that Sam was talking about?

~

“Yes, its the same author.”

Sam is currently with Maurice and Rexxie. The two fluffies are on leashes, and Sam is currently taking them out for a walk. Maurice is rather enthusiastic.

“Mauwice geh’ ta meet Jowsef again! Mauwice wuv to pway with Jowsef egen!”

“Iz Jowsef a gamer?” asks Rexxie.

“Oh boi ohboi! Jowsef am BIG gamer! Fwend wiww WUV ta pway wif Jowsef!”

You’re curious about this Joseph that Maurice seems so enthusiastic about.

“He’s the Squeakyfriend at the daycare that Maurice wants me to meet. I’m thinking of acquiring him myself.”

“Ah, there’s that name again. Squeakyfriend.”

“Yes, the creator the Squeakyfriend breed was also the same author of the Pointy storybooks you used to read. She wrote a lot of other fiction, but she was very popular as a children’s author.”

“What else did she write?”

“Quite the variety of genres. Science fiction, fantasy, romance, period pieces. Oh, and horror.”

“Horror?” you ask, with a morbid curiosity. It seemed unusual that someone who could write something so cute would write horror.

"Yes. She was quite well known for some of her horror concepts. One of her stories was even made into a game. I think it was called"The Toy Castle"."( >>34765 )

“She sounds like quite the all-rounded. Author, game programmer, and genetic engineer.”

“Oh that is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to fluffies. But it really seems to be that some of the best minds ended up working on them.”

~

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Squeakyfriend fluffy playing Pokemon (Artist:Squeakyfriend)

The four of you step into the daycare, and the first thing you are greeted to, is a Fluffy playing on a video game console. He’s a grullo-coloured Squeakyfriend, with a black mane. The console he is using has been customized to his hooves, but, for a fluffy, he’s seems to know what he’s actually doing

“Peekachew go!”

Being rather enthusiastic, the fluffy literally yells out his attacks. “Peekachew use zappy-thingy.”

You’re rather bemused. You had seen Rexxie play computer games before, particularly that one time when he played Starcraft, but he was not as enthusiastic as the fluffy here. Maurice is wide-eyed. Its quite obvious that the friend he had been looking for ages, and had told Sam rather enthusiastically about, is right here.

“Jowsef!!!”

Joseph looks back. He stops playing his game as a huge smile creeps on his face, once filled with revisited nostalgia, and reunited friendship

“MAUWICE!”

The two fluffies hug. They then, and rather suddenly, play pattycake.

“Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, bakuh’s man.

Bake me a caek a’ fass a’ yu can

Pat it, and pwick it, and mawk it with “B”

And paht it in da oven for Babbeh and me!

You’re starting to wonder if this is some sort of secret handshake that Maurice has a with a few other fluffs. While Maurice is enthusiastic about meeting his old friend, Rexxie has his eyes on the console.

“POKEYMANS!!”

Rexxie is just about to reach for the console and play the game when Jowsef

“Nu, nu! Dis is Jowsef’s game! Wet fwuffy finish!”

“Awww.”

You’re a little surprised. From what you had seen from Rexxie before, you’d think he’d play the game, regardless of what anybody else things. Sam really must have trained his fluffies well.

“Hey there Sam!”

The owner of this daycare is an old man, also named Joe.

“Hey there Joe. Hows things been for you?”

“Ah, same ol’, same ol’. More ferals come in, I take care of them, then sell them if people want them.”

He looks down as he takes a look at Maurice

“How are you doing little fella? Been ages since I last saw you.”

Maurice is rather enthusiastic, as he climbs up the chair, and does the one thing he always loves to do: give a big hug. ( >>25400)

“Daddeh Joe!”

Joe is a bit surprised, but he accepts it. “Oh, oh my. You still got in ya.”

While hugging Maurice, Joe turns to Sam, remarking on the nature of their business today.

“I’m surprised you’re considering getting Joseph today. I did recommend taking Joseph with you when you bought Maurice.”

“Well that is true, but see, I got Maurice because we met him at that place remember?”

The hushed tone indicates that Sam does not want to bring up a memory in the presence of Maurice. With a quick understanding, Joe also picks up on it.

“Ah yes. Well, I’m happy you’re finally getting Joseph today.”

“Has Joseph been rather sad since Maurice’s departure?”

“Oh no! Well, sometimes. But like any fluffy you give him something to do, like a game, or rock music - he really loves his electric guitar ( >>30194 ) - and he’s content. But sometimes, he does ask me, where Maurice went. And I tell him that he went to buy some sketti for him.”

That’s not a very good excuse, you remark silently.

“Oh shoot, that reminds me.”

Sam reaches for his pocket, and pulls out a tupperware container containing - you guessed it – spaghetti. He goes up to Joseph and says to him, “Hello Joseph. Maurice wanted me to give this to you.”

And of course, out from Joseph comes the fluffy enthusiasm for that Italian dish comprising of pasta, tomato sauce and meatballs.

“SKETTI!”

Joseph enthusiastically opens up the contained, and proceeds to chow down on the spaghetti, while Maurice enthusiastically talks to Joe, telling him about the life he has under Sam, and how he gets to do things like play with his Fisher Price car, play ball, and chase remote-controlled toy cars.

~

You take this moment to ask Sam about what he’s referring to when he said “that place”.

"Ah yes. Well you see, Maurice lost his mother at a young age.

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“Maurice lost his mother at a young age” (Artist:Waggytail)

Maurice is actually a feral, but his mother raised him and his siblings on the streets. From Maurice’s memory as a foal, he described her as a very dutiful mother. ( >>13206 ) However, she died one day from illness. The rest of Maurice’s siblings were taken to various daycares and shelters, but Maurice was really devoted to his mother. He stayed at her side, even when it was raining, and would not budge." ( >>13503 >>14448)

“Wow.”

“That was when Joe and I found him one day. We found Maurice laying beside the body of his dead mother. With a little coaxing, Joe was able to take him to the daycare. That memory of Maurice remained in my mind though so, a month later, I decided to buy him.”

Your eyes start to well up, as you note “That’s so sad and painful to hear. Was Maurice still unhappy when you went to meet him?”

“Oh no. See, when I found Maurice again, he was unexpectedly chipper. I was surprised. It seemed uncharacteristic of him to have gotten over the death of his mother, but, according to Joe, Maurice got to meet Joseph. And it was his friendship with Joseph that got him out of his rut and back to this chipper mood we all know and love him for.” ( >>30600 )

As you smile, happy to note that Maurice manage to overcome a dark moment of his life, a realization dawns on you as you look at Sam

“Why didn’t you purchase Joseph then?”

“I didn’t know much about Squeakyfriends.”

“Do you really have to research a fluffy before taking one in?”

“Oh yes! That is the same for ANY pet. Trust me. Some dog breeds are harder and more difficult to raise then others. The same applies to fluffies. And, I’m going to tell you right now, there are some fluffy breeds you do NOT want to own. At least at home.”

“So, I take it squeakyfriends are okay then?”

“I guess.” Sam’s answer seems rather vague. Very unsure. You could tell there was an air of hesitation.

“Whats wrong with Squeakyfriends?”

"The Squeakyfriend line does come from Hasbio, but they were also the result of a partnership with Cutebox Labs, Inc. That was years ago. And, on top of that, Hasbio stopped the line of Squeakyfriends a few years back, so any new Squeakyfriends come not only from breeders, but also Cutebox labs.

“So whats the diff? Whats the big deal?”

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Cutebox Labs, Inc. (Artist:Squeakyfriend)

Sam turns to you. His tone is slightly serious and has an air of concern.

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A variety of Squeakyfriend fluffies (Artist:Squeakyfriend)

“With Hasbio, we can have a rough idea of what they’re trying to achieve and accomplish. But when it is a company partnered with Hasbio, they could be doing things we don’t know about. I have contacts in Hasbio, but I don’t have any in Cutebox. I’ve heard things. Things like ghosts. Aliens. A slime fluffy.” ( >>33190 >>50843)

“Slime fluffy?”

"Thats what I call it, but it is basically a fluffy made entirely of water. And apparently there was one fluffy among them, a mad scientist, who did all kinds of experiments on his fellow fluffies."

“Sounds like a load of hogwash.”

“Maybe. And to be honest, I’ve dealt with worst. Like, you don’t want to own a fluffy of the filialcacophony breed, my friend.”

As he says this, you hear a soft and sudden “SWAG” pass by your ears

“I’m gonna take Joseph in, but I really got to keep an eye on him. Make sure he’s not up to trouble.”

“Jesus, you’re being melodramatic. I mean what is the worst he could possibly do?”

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“Fwuffies awe wobots!” (Artist:Squeakyfriend)

Just as you say this, you now notice that Joe is reading the newspaper. On the floor, Joseph is currently talking to a wide-eyed Rexxie and Maurice, as he voice has a rather concerned tone. ( >>41127 & >>41127 )

"Nu, jus-just wisten! Fwuffies awe wobots - hoomans MADE fwuffies! In wabs! "

“D-dats siwwy! Rexxie am a fwuffy! Nu a wobot!”

“Wisten! Fwuffies awe a speciaw wobot, a toy!”

“Eeeeh! Mauwice nu am toy!”

Maurice runs away, crying to Sam, as he pleads to his owner.

“Daddeh, daddeh! Mauwice nu am toy! Wight daddeh?"

“No, you’re not, my dear Maurice. Hugs?”

“Huggies!”

As he proceeds to carry Maurice on his shoulder, he beckons to Rexxie and the newly-acquired Joseph to join, “Come along boys, lets go home.”

It is all fun and games, but, Joseph’s awareness of his existence has weirded you out. And, as you watch him closely, while leaving the daycare with the others, you can’t help but wonder what this little fluff might have in store for you.

END OF PART 4

continued in the ESF tribute

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Fourth part of the series. Part 3 can be read here.

Some notes on this part:

  • Sam’s dialogue on feral humans in opposite world is taken directly from GRANPA156’s post. The comment is now lost thanks to the booru’s demise.

  • Granpa156 never really concluded Seabreeze’s story, so I was encouraged by two people to write a sort of conclusion. This bit is dedicated to @jimprofit and The_Enfie_Bus

  • Pumpiikin’s tribute ended up including more ethical debate than I intended. That said, she was okay with it, so I kept the bit in.

  • Pumpiikin’s world has a lot of stuff I really like. I might explore it some day, maybe.

  • the same goes for Squeakyfriend, as this entry barely covers the wealth of content that Squeakyfriend covered. I had not even gone into detail about the game Squeakyfriend tried to make. Or his most famous OC, Crazystein

  • I intended to post all of the Guide chapters daily last month, but I got sidetracked. I’m going to try and catch up this week. We’ll see.

2 Likes

I LOVE that there is a fluffy that is enthusiastic about playing a mainline Pokemon game! :heart_eyes:

For some reason I can imagine Joseph telling Pikachu to use the electric move “Zippy Zap,” since that is an actual Pokemon move from the more recent games.

The image based off of the HAL Laboratory logo is great too. A real throwback to a lot of the N64 Pokemon games.

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I marvel at how dense each entry of this story is.

At the same time, I can’t help feeling that the portions dedicated to the myriad individual creators would be better presented as their own chapters. I personally find multiple, focused chapters to be more digestible than long ones that pack a lot into them.

In order to get through this chapter, I had to give myself regular intermissions

I feel like that this would aid your output of chapters too. It’s a broad endeavor that this story is trying to accomplish; divide and conquer it.

I do like how our surrogate self is the victim of abuse of a slapstick kind.

There are a few more comments but I’m truly exhausted and I will be getting much needed rest before continuing.

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Never saw that vocaloid fluffy before.
But personally i like the idea of fluffies being able to play videogames with proper controllers.
If the game is simple enough, like say super mario bros 1
They’d do fine.

And that Waggytail pic is heart breaking ^^ …sniff

That is a good point. Part of the reason why I tried to cover so many artists per chapter was because it was initially written for the booru. As there were a lot of artists to go through on the booru, the plan had been to cover as many artists as I could, so multiple artists per chapter was the approach. But of course, the booru died, and with it the information and context regarding manya rtists became less scarce, a reason why chaoter 8 onwards tend to focus on fewer artists.

That said, and since you’re on the fourth chapter, I should mention that things start to change once you get to the “April Fools/Halloween special” aka the next story part which precedes the "official " Chapter 5…

But getting back to the earlier point, I had been thinking of focusing more attention to some of the earlier artists I may have glossed over, though I also plan to do self-contained tributes to them.

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